Shedding some codependent behaviors!
It’s been about a year and a half since I became single and started working on myself… finding myself… and I am talking to someone who is triggering all sorts of things inside me. The most recent being a frantic and panicked feeling of abandonment. It snuck up on me so badly… an entire week was ruined as I was caught in a type of despair I just wasn’t able to shake.
I tried to think about it, I tried to sit with it, I tried to journal it, I tried to talk about it… but ultimately what worked was recognizing myself and that I had a choice. I could choose to be there for myself and be happy and once I made that decision I was
He told me he is feeling overwhelmed with his feelings towards me. Instead of fighting with him about it or let myself end up in a “relationship” with a man who may be emotionally unavailable I am continuing to live my life. In the past I probably would have put everything on hold to make sure I was available if he came back around (he pulls away when overwhelmed). My initial reaction when someone pulls away used to be to lean in harder… instead I find myself being able to give him space… and it doesn’t hurt because I understand where he is coming from… he doesn’t want me to see other people but knows I need to do what is best for me… it may be one of the most grown up interactions I have ever had with a man lol and it feels so much more peaceful and drama free and is just understanding… neither of us wants to hurt the other but we both have different needs and that’s okay… instead of sitting here and racking my brain and trying to figure him out I just asked… and when he gave me an answer I accepted it. I can’t believe how hard I used to fight with people about how they felt.