First off, I'll note that any person or organization should be open to criticism. Criticism is a good thing, not a bad thing, at least when it's honest and not merely antagonistic. Besides, I've often praised AA. I've even created an alcohol abuse archive with most of what I've written on the matter, and you can see for yourself that some of it is very positive. I merely note that AA's not for everyone--and by the way, so did AA's founder Bill W. For some people, AA is the only thing that works. For others, it's a poor fit. We ought to be able to acknowledge that without being angry or defensive about it.
I have another issue, though, and that is that every time--every single time--I say anything to question what they tell you at AA meetings, suggest that not everyone drunk needs AA, or say that there are things that bother me about the AA credo, I get scads of angry letters, defensive comments, and insinuations about my character. I can no longer count the number of times in the last five and a half weeks that I have been told that I am:
1) In denial
2) Think I know everything
3) Think I'm smarter than other drunks
4) Not truly committed to recovery
5) Will fall off the wagon soon
6) Am hurting alcoholics by discouraging them from seeking AA
I'm bracing myself for still more of all of the above just for posting this article.
Then again, whenever I say anything skeptical of AA, or mention alternatives such as Women for Sobriety, Moderation Management, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery, books on quitting without AA, or people who claim that A.A. caused them problems, you know what else I get?
1) Emails from people who left AA because they hated it, and got sober anyway.
2) Emails from women thanking me for turning them on to Women for Sobriety because they liked it so much better than AA.
3) People who found that they could, after all, moderate their drinking, and were angry that AA told them they could never moderate.
4) Emails from AA members who've been with the organization for over 10 years, but who encourage me. "Whatever works, do it, and call or write me any time if you need help," they tell me.
I have found the last group to be the most inspiring, by the way.
Then, there are some other letters I've gotten from the people still struggling with alcohol. I've gotten several that go a lot like this:
"I can't stop drinking, but I hate those AA meetings so much. They just make me feel worse. I've decided I'm constitutionally incapable of change. I'm powerless before alcohol, and I'd rather drink than go to any more of their meetings. I hope you can save yourself, it's too late for me."
I've also gotten mails that just say things like, "I'm having trouble with alcohol too, thanks for sharing your struggle and not being afraid to ask questions or explore alternatives." Indeed, I got another one just like that last night.
It's a little humbling, because people are asking me for advice and I'm still stumbling a bit in the dark myself. Then again, I haven't had a drink since February 26th, so I guess that's worth something. More to the point, I think an awful lot of people are simply not comfortable with group meetings, or have issues with the 12-step approach, and are glad to see that there are alternatives that can be explored.
The fact of the matter is that there are alternatives to AA which seem to work a lot better for some people. I haven't set foot in an AA meeting in more than a month. I have no intention of attending anther one, either, because I simply don't like them. But I have used the services of a psychologist who is herself an alcoholic who has not had a drink in 15 years--and who herself does not endorse AA. The woman's got her Ph.D. and treats drunks and addicts for a living. But no AA for her, and not for most of her clients either.
Being honest with yourself is the most important thing. That's one thing I'll never argue with the AA folks about. But beyond that, we need to stop treating this or any other treatment plan like it cannot be questioned, cannot be improved upon, or cannot be a negative thing for some people.
Again, by the way, I've gotten chills down my spine from people who've told me, "I'm constitutionally incapable fo change. I can't go back to those meetings, I just can't."
Straight out of the AA credo, that line about "constitutionally incapable." Ditto the people who say they're "powerless" and have therefore given up. Yes, AA's defenders will say they're misinterpreting those words, but I say, maybe the real problem is they need to hear some different words. Let's not give them, or me, a hard time for seeking out alternatives if one approach isn't meeting their needs.
I ask my question again: is the goal to get people into AA, or is it to help them?
This resonates very strongly with what I feel, and what I have experienced while seeking help for my addiction.