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Old 11-17-2017, 11:01 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
MindfulMan
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
You really are busy. Kudos to getting your degree.

Thing is, he might actually be trying in AA, or it's just BS and he's doing it so he can continue to be married and to drink.

One way to tell if he's serious is that he get a sponsor and start working the steps, if he isn't already. It's much harder to hide in AA if you're accountable and regularly talking (hopefully honestly) to someone about your using who is taking the time to help you get and remain sober. You can't make him do this, but you can suggest that he do so.

Insist that all alcohol is removed from the house, and look carefully in every place where he might be hiding it.

This is kind of harsh, but obtain a breathalizer and make it clear that he has to allow you to test him at any time. Parents do this with kids. You can tell him that you trust HIM, but you don't trust alcohol and his addiction. It may be easier to separate him from his addiction. Substance abuse takes on a life of it's own and is difficult to impossible, once entrenched, to control solely with willpower and good intentions. If we could, there would be far fewer substance abusers in the world.

The above are just possible suggestions that I might attempt if I felt the marriage was worth saving. They might indicate that you are completely serious and will not tolerate drinking and especially lying about it.

Deciding to bail is certainly an option.

You will get far more information at your Al-Anon meeting. Don't be afraid to talk to someone after the meeting about your specific situation, they will be far more helpful as they've been there.

Personally I've never been in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic unless I was in the same boat (completely self-destructive relationship, btw). I can't imagine what a sober person would have gone through trying to maintain a relationship with me when I was still drinking/using.

Remember you have support here and in Al-Anon when you start. Be true to yourself, and don't lose sight of your needs in this relationship as you navigate a difficult situation.

Best of luck!
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