Hi BrokenCrayons welcome,
Sorry for what has brought you here but most of us certainly understand. I think you have gotten some great suggestions especially the one about NOT confronting him about things you have found or are witnessing. Shame and guilt to me are emotional weapons used to manipulate someone else into doing what we want them to do. It is not a healthy conflict resolution and usually only exacerbates any situation. Obtaining healthy conflict resolution with an active A is near impossible. Al-anon will help if you have the right mindset and are open to understanding the program.
You don’t have to make any decision today or even tomorrow about your future or whether or not he could be a responsible parent should you chose to separate. Those are issues with a number of solutions when and if that time comes along.
For now, read as much as you can here, check out the stickies, ask questions, vent do what it is you need to do for you.