You've got a point there GT. I do have this idea that recovery means I have to be happy, joyous and free so not feeling that way makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong or that something needs fixing..... when it's perfectly natural to be an absent minded curmudgeon sometimes lol.
And my AV definitely likes the idea of taking something, anything to change the way I feel. You are also right that the idea of drinking is not abhorrent to me either.... it still calls to me, especially if I'm feeling down. I drove by a local haunt the other day and felt a longing to go inside and sit down at a bar stool and see if any of my old drinking buddies were in there. I would instantly feel better. All these feelings of sadness and loneliness would be gone with that first sip.....
No matter what though, right?
Thanks for your post. It helped put things in perspective.