I think I'm going through some PAWS lately. I have really low energy and I feel down a lot of the time. My memory hasn't been right, I've forgotten about 2 appts that I had just booked days before but they totally slipped my mind. I go out shopping and then stand in the store trying to remember what I was going to get. I don't feel like being around anyone, even my kids and my BF. I just want them all to leave me alone. I fake it and don't tell them to leave me alone but internally I know that I wish they would. Small trivial things seem overwhelming. I force myself to get up and exercise and go outside because I know doing those things will help and they do but the low mood quickly comes back.
I don't know.... I'm not myself. I am on midnights at work so I'm sure that's not helping. Thing is is that I've been working early morning shifts for years so it's not that much earlier. I think it must be PAWS which is good because it means that it will pass. Lack of sleep, grey sh*tty weather and the first year of sobriety with my body and emotions still adjusting to not being able to use some substance to lift my mood anytime it's gets low.....
My Beast is, of course, being opportunistic, no surprise there. Doesn't matter. The thought of returning to drinking is abhorrent to me and out of the question. I just have to ride it out and if I don't feel better in another month or so I'll go see a professional. I've always been anti medication which is weird because I used to use any kind of street drug I could get my hands on, but for some reason I have never trusted doctors. I think I've always had a sadness that I carried around with me, but then who doesn't? Who doesn't have some hole to fill inside? To me, that's just being alive. Sometimes we're up and sometimes we're down.