Good morning everyone.
I woke up at quarter to six and decided to get up instead of just going to the bathroom and then going back to a warm bed and falling back to sleep. Doing schoolwork and taking little breaks through the day to clean what I can. I gotta start somewhere and actually start and do it. I think about and write lists of what to do and then not do anything every weekend for sooo long. I've berated myself (and my mom has too) as lazy for many years. I don't think it is all that. I do have a problem with letting go of things, I have always been frugal and always afraid of throwing things away cos I will need it later. I also have a buying/stockpiling and not using but saving things problem. I don't know why cos I never really went without when young so who knows. And then there
was always alcohol. And my mom wanting me to do things a certain way. So those things and I am sure more that have been standing in my way. Now the alcohol part of it is gone at least. And I can work on my thinking. So onward to push past whatever else it is because there are a lot of things/routines/stuff that I don't want in my new life and a lot of different things/routines/stuff that I do. I'm still going to be soft/strong with myself - baby steps. The "new" car has given me some good energy to change some of my old stuff and start anew. I bought a 2018 planner at Walmart yesterday. I found one that is daily- the SeeItBigger 2018 Daily Planner from Oct2017-Dec2018. Bigger print and lines for us old folks ha. Before I have bought planners and not wrote much in them but I am going to start writing in it today. It's mostly to take around at work for meetings but I am going to add in some things like food choices/water intake too (I want to eat healthier). I have my journal for my private stuff to keep at home. I am such an organized person at work, that I have never let anybody come to my house - they would be appalled at the disorganization. So time to put my skills at work in my home. My focus is to make it organized for less stress and comfortable for a better person that is LIVING here not just existing here. Next year when I get off "car arrest" I want to have spent this time building a strong foundation in myself and my home - this is my year of work on me and not worrying or thinking about what everyone else is doing. Bye bye Facebook!
I know when the punishment is over it is going to be a time too that I will have to watch out for going backwards and thinking about drinking again. I can see myself thinking that I got everything over with so I can drink again at home and just not drive anywhere. I am going to write a note to my future self next year to be very conscious of what I just went through and if it is worth throwing my hard work away and the possible consequences of going back instead of going forward. Seriously, the day I get the interlock off I think I need to sit down and read all I have wrote in my journal esp the jail part and all of the mandatory things that I was required to do/esp the feelings that went along with all that/esp the anxiety, the worry of my life flying apart and how I had no control over it.
So in regards of all the stuff I wrote above, I will be continually watching out for posts where others are writing about the small trivial things that give them comfort or make their life easier and more importantly stronger in any way. You guys and this board are the experts in the knowledge I seek. It isn't in books by college-professional people - it's in you, the people who are living it and know from experience. Thank you for all you have shared and in advance for all you may share in this journey. ♥
wax I wish you the best in setting up your routines and ways of living in your new place - let go of what isn't helping - let this experience be exciting!! it's a new beginning in your life-we are all rooting for you.
GB - I liked what you said to Kit "you are a new creation in your sobriety." That's what I am babystepping towards.
viper - I have had dreams like that before at times when I tried to quit and I am sure to have them again. I remember it being horrible waking up but then feeling good that it wasn't for real.
bob - so sorry about your loss. There is someone that I've known forever that just passed -she is being mourned by all. She was only a year older than me.
I have no plans of going out anywhere for a long time but still reading and gleaning the wisdom of handling different situations. Thru all these years of drinking I have wound down to no real friends only the superficial ones I have at work and I rarely have been around anyone other than work for years. So looking at a silver lining in the future when I do start making friends- I can choose the non-alcohol ones in real life..... I definitely got a good start here with a bunch of smart, caring, honest online ones
xoxo
Happy Sober Saturday peeps
