Excellent link, Minnie....and Gabe, were you peeking in my toolbox again?
The reason I haven't put all those tools away yet is because some days, they are all I have. If I continue to surround myself with unsafe people, manipulation is a safe tool for me to use, and one I know how to operate. Honesty is a better tool, long-term, but I can't use it "intuitively" as I can manipulation.
And the "silent treatment"...c'mon, I don't know how often I've justified this sort of emoional abuse by thinking "if I can't say anything good, I'll say nothing at all".... and then go on to pretend my husband is invisible. So I have to go back to the "rationalization" part to help me not pick that particular tool up again.
My "awareness" of a better tool is allowing me to at least consider honesty in lieu of manipulation... especially in safe situations - like an Alanon meeting. By practicing using these better tools, I have hope that I can pick them up - even in an emergency.
Now, as far as the "emotional manipulator" - whew if that ain't my SIL!! (It is always easier to see these traits in others, first I think).