Originally Posted by Savana 54
One of my old counselors said the reasoning behind me sometimes being a manipulator, was because as a child, growing up in an abusive home with constant chaos and violence; I never learned how to be open and honest. Therefore I used what felt most comfortable to me, as thats how my family operated. My need to constantly manipulate was the only way I knew to try and get my needs met.
I'm learning there are other ways to deal with what I need and want.
Same here, Savana. My household wasn't violent, but we three kids couldn't speak unless spoken to and we were constantly told to not make my Dad "blow" (my Mom's word for his rages). But, his words cut deep and hurt worse than beatings!
I realize that I still manipulate at times. I communicate, but not always honestly. I don't tell the people that I need to.......the direct truth about boundaries and what I need. I even realized today that I let my dogs get away with stuff they shouldn't!!
Instead of being assertive and just saying "Hey! This is something that I can't live with and don't feel comfortable in" , I just give in. UNTIL, I'm completly pushed to the edge. Then, I'll come out swingin' (not physically, but verbally) and will not tolerate it anymore.
I wish
so much that I could get to the point to where I didn't have to be pushed all the way in the corner for me to say something. I wait until it bothers me SO badly that I'll do what my Dad did and "explode" and then walk away for good. Never to come back to whatever or whomever was pushing me to the limits in a negative way.
Thanks, Gabe., for this thread. This is my weakest link right now. Dealing with my own emotional manipulation and others on to me.