Everybody’s right, MB—that was a very good and thought-provoking post.
In a way I’m the opposite of the person in your post: everything about my “exterior” life is far, far better than it was five years ago. But when I examine my interior progress, I’m frustrated that I’m not farther along.
But I am!
I don’t default to selfishness all the time.
One big area—bitterness over past events—has dimmed substantially.
Though painful memories of how I’ve hurt people still pop into my head, they don’t linger and haunt me constantly.
I thought I was hopeless, but I think I really am in the process of forgiving myself.
That’s progress!
One big thing holding me back from progress is expectations that others don’t meet.
Well, as Dee sometimes says, “I stepped down from being manager of the universe”—and as I sometimes say, “Who died and made me empress?”
What other people do is their own business.
My job is to be content in all circumstances (unless I am actually being
harmed, which I’m not).
But probably the biggest thing to conquer now is the habit of constantly criticizing myself. I’m very hard on myself—much harder than I am on others.
That’s where I’m stuck.
But now thanks to recovery I know enough to counter these self-loathing thoughts with more rational thoughts, like “Oh, BS!”
So maybe there’s been progress there, too!