Great post!! And here I thought I was the only one that was manipulative with exabf.
One of my old counselors said the reasoning behind me sometimes being a manipulator, was because as a child, growing up in an abusive home with constant chaos and violence; I never learned how to be open and honest. Therefore I used what felt most comfortable to me, as thats how my family operated. My need to constantly manipulate was the only way I knew to try and get my needs met.
I'm learning there are other ways to deal with what I need and want.