Hearing all of this...I wish that every parent who stays in a relationship that is abusive and revolves around the alcoholism/addiction "for the chileren", would read this thread.
I think that it is common reasoning that as long as a child stays in an i ntact home....even if there is unhappiness under the roof...that everything will be o,k.
The fear of the term "broken home" is the worst of all things. Thus, the decision to keep the (already) broken home---together. It almost seems like there is no awareness that children perceive the unhappiness of the non-addicted parent and feel the loss....and, are very affected by it.
It is written so often, on this forum, (and the forum of Adult Children of Alcoholics)....that the adult children so often resent the non-alcoholic partner who stays as much or more than they resent the actual alcoholic one.
I think that it may take those adult children a longer time to come to the kind of understanding that allows them to forgive the parent who sacrificed by "staying for the children"......
Lots of forgiveness needed on both sides, I think......