F,
"I'm sad. Lonely. Grieving."
You are living separate lives and you are still feeling this way. You feel he is cutting you out of the family. Why don't you choose to remove yourself from this disfunctional situation?
He has been sober for a year, I am assuming working a recovery program and life is great for him. You lived in 30 years of hell, kept the family together through thick and thin, protected him from kids and family seeing the real drunk he was, dui's, hospitalizations, job loss, and now he is sober, he is kicking you to the curb. It's just not fair. You stuck it out and this is what you get, a divorce.
What is he doing any different to you now then he did to you as a drunk? Nothing. He has not changed one bit. He is still a selfish, self centered jerk, whom you still love. Just because we love someone, doesn't mean its good for us. It's ok to love someone and not be married to them. I still love my axh in a way, but I could never be with him again, sober or drunk.
You could sit in this mess for the rest of your life. Maybe you filing and moving on he will wonder what you are up too. I used to always smile and be up beat In the early divorce time with my axh, I never wanted him to see the real pain I was feeling. I wanted him to think that I am awesome. He truly is not and has not been the best husband. We only have one life on this planet and waiting for an addict to come to his senses on our time frame is never going to happen.
Hugs my friend, I know you are scared, but you are entitled to be happy and in 30 years you have never had it, so I m not sure why you think it might happen in your future, he has always showed you who he was, you just didn't want to believe him.