Hi, Flavia.
My opinion only, for what it’s worth.
I think that it is not uncommon for marriages or relationships to change when one partner gets sober.
The old marriage was dysfunctional but it worked, sorta, probably because you worked double time to make it so.
Take the alcohol away, and it’s a new ball game, with new behaviors and new ways of thinking about things.
Sometimes, the only thing to do is move forward solo.
Asking gently: why don’t you want to file?
You don’t live together, haven’t for a while.
Maybe it’s time.
As to the children, what criticism are they leveling?
Do they feel you should have left sooner, protected them from the alcoholic behavior more?
You don’t say their ages, but I am assuming they are young adults?
Hugs. Good thoughts.