Toxic man and his advice to me
I'll try to make this short as possible. I had quite a long conversation w/xabf. I am just going to list some of the things he said to me in no order.
I miss you.
I'm done with women, now I'm just a dad and that's enough for me.
My dad quite drinking.
Probably because his wife said either you quite or I'm done.
(I ask does that work?) Yes it works if someone really means it.
(it didn't work w/your 1st wife though) No, she knew my damage, she thought if she married me I'd get better. (they divorced after only 1 yr)
My brother quit drinking too I think, because of his girlfriend and her kids, she must be some gal. (of course this made me sad thinking well why couldn't you quit for me then or any of your other "gals"? What's wrong with me!!?)
I don't want to quit drinking. Yeah maybe when I'm 60 like my dad and I have nothing else to do but not now.
I don't know why I left you. Good question.
You need to find someone less toxic. There's plenty of other guys out there. I'm just the kind of guy that should be alone.
You know me I'm just an a$$h*le. I can't go w/o being one.
(so why do you keep calling me?) cuz I like you.
Ok so that is about the most important of what was said. I guess I needed a conversation like that though it does make me really sad. Letting go I suppose just a little more and thinking about finding someone else is really scary too. It's so hard to have someone tell you that they think enough of you to wish you a better life than they can offer but at the same time they don't care enough to be that person. And they won't really let go either. I know it's really up to me to sever this. It's not at all to his advantage to let go so why should he?
I did not disagree with him on any of his admissions. And the fact that he has no desire to quit drinking, well I guess that says it all doesn't it. He was drunk during this conversation. He had just awakened after having passed out in his car!
BTW I have not had an kind of relationship beyond work with him for months it's just that I do still care for him. Just wanted you all to be clear on that. He's right he is toxic and it's going to take some time for the toxins to leave my heart.