When I first started my job in the summer of last year I really really enjoyed it. I worked until late in the evening doing overtime for others. I used to feel a really empathy with the patients who I would speak with regularly on the phone. Even when I used to have to cancel patients because there was no bed for them, I used to feel so guilty, especially when I had to phone the same elderly gentleman about 5 times to say he hadn’t got a bed. I would be mortified. And he would say “I know it’s not your fault girleen. Just rebook me for the next available slot”.
And it’s always the patients who are really sick who are the most understanding. It’s the ones who are coming in for some incredibly minor op who take the head off you.
I used to light candles every night in the hopes that they would get a bed. Then I stopped doing that as I was told by a colleague that “I know you mean well but it’s bad for you as it means you are taking work home with you... in your head”.
I think I was more productive at work when I did light candles, so I started doing that again this week and one night fell asleep with the candle still burning. I’ll have to get a night light or something for them instead as being burnt is not really the way I want to go, even though I know we are all going to die.
Even last Friday I had two patients booked. Of course they rang me down saying “Tetra, you have 2 patients booked but we have only 1 bed. Who should we give it to? It’s your call”. I hate being put on the spot like that! It’s not my call! I went with the one I figured my consultant would like me to. In the end another bed opened up after the ward round and the second patient got admitted at 10:50 AM yesterday even though they were supposed to be in the bed at 8 AM as surgery starts at 9 AM. So I guess when that man told me last week “that hospital is an absolute joke”, he was not entirely incorrect.
Hmmm I have nothing much to report except that my sister seems to have gone back to her awful ex husband and my mother is very worried about her. My mother was bad today. I haven't seen her so bad in quite a while in fact. I did make it clear to my parents that I am not keen on sitting down to eat Christmas dinner with him. (I know it is only November.) My father did say that he is not keen on it either but we have to let her know we are here for her if things go bad for her again. So he suggested they could come for dinner and then go home as he doesn't want him in the house overnight. I know she is a grown up and she has to live her life but she does have problems as well and it is hard not to worry.
So I do have a lot on my mind. Everyone has problems. We never know what exactly is going on in people's lives and I do think we could all do with being nicer to each other.
Anyway I hope you are all keeping well.