James. I've followed something of your story and recognize a lot of what you are going through. I spent a lot of my time in my twenties ignoring my problems and not quite making the commitments necessary to live a proper life that being sober might have offered me. I too was hospitalized over my drinking many times, and was so in thrall of my addiction that I treated it almost as a an "experience" of some kind. Don't be stupid like me. Drinking is a dead end.
Alcohol addiction is a brain disorder with a recognizable pathology. Active alcoholism has a set of prognoses, none of which are good. The good news is that complete remission is possible, if you stop drinking. I know you know all this, but surely it's time to surrender to the facts?
Don't do what I did and ignore the havoc alcohol can wreak upon your health. I lived in pain -- and am still dealing with the mental issues alcoholism brings despite some decent sober time this year --- but you don't have to suffer like this. There is no need to live in physical and physiological pain for the want of a stupid drug that doesn't care about you or the fact that it is killing you .
I hope you feel better soon.