Welcome, Tobrien. The good news is, you are 28. That's when my use really kicked up a notch--for 17 years. 9 months sober today and I'm glad I listened to the folks on this board who basically advised to get sober and gut it out until the brain rewires itself (this might be a euphemism for removing head from posterior). You feel like you have let yourself down in life, but I have a feeling you will clean right up if you put your mind to it, and in a couple years you will be singing a much different tune. We are free to do what we want to do.