Wishing you strength and insight, sweetichick. It took me a long, long time to realize that I could never drink again, that it could never be just one. I am incapable of moderation. I have no 'off' switch when it comes to alcohol. Like Mera, I was totally resistent to the thought of rehab, but in the end I really didn't have a choice-it was rehab or losing everything. It has taken me two inpatient experiences to come to the utter realization that drinking would only lead to my death-and nearly did. It has been 23 months for me now and I must remain scrupulously vigilant to never let thoughts of drinking 'responsibly' enter my mind. I am happy now, and my life isn't perfect but it is good, and that is enough.