I've tried really hard not to comment too much on this thread but if your AW if kicking in doors when she's with you, where is your 3 year old?
I'm extremely concerned for this child because all I hear are excuses from you and anger. It makes me think you know what you should do but you're simply unwilling to take action. It's the guilt that is creating all of this frustration.
Everyone wakes up with a choice unless you're handcuffed to the wall or too young or physically unable to leave. I will pray for you that you'll look to god to give you the strength to find a way to not just save your 3 year old but yourself. You're choosing to close your eyes and look away. You are CHOOSING to stay.