Nausea and anxiety until noon on a workday.
3 am panic wakeups.
Embarrassing myself on social media.
Embarrassing myself over messaging and texts.
Feeling like I might die if I don’t go to the ER.
Being so dehydrated that I don’t get fully hydrated for 3 days.
Wondering if they can smell it on me at work.
Emotional, bizarre, nutso fights with husband
Spamming husband with perceived slights over messenger.
Never getting a handle on my home and my garden chores.
Never having a clean car.
Never able to fully relax.
Never able to enjoy the moment. Any moment.
Feeling guilt all the time.
Feeling like a fraud all the time.
Feeling like nothing I did mattered because the fatal flaw overshadowed everything.
Missing the gym due to hangovers.
Losing weight by fasting + whiskey and being afraid to eat.
Terminal and persistent parental guilt.
And more.
Yes, more...crazy huh. No need to question my impossible happiness right now. I have no interest in refunding my misery. I’ll stay right here, thanks.