Crunch time
packing up the house. new house closes tomorrow. the past 2 weeks he has told me he has intake appointments with a couple of rehabs, but always an excuse why he cant go. insurance. money. time. i know its manipulation. it didnt work this time. tonight i told him house closes tomorrow. he said hes proud of me. i asked if i could leave one of my dogs here with his for a bit to help his adjust. he said huh? i knew he hasnt been listening. i knew he didnt want to hear it. so i reiterated i was moving this week. without him. no rehab no move. that wed talked about it a zillion times the past year. the pain in his eyes nearly broke me. im a strong woman but my heart aches. i love this man. the consequences of his addiction hurt me as much as they do him. i dont wish him ill. i have dont get me wrong. ive been angry and hateful. now im just sad. i hope he finds his way before its too late for him. i pray for me i can do this with grace and dignity. im not just leaving him. im leaving the state i grew up in and have lived most of my life here. theres a lot that goes with it and a lot of ghosts left behind. guess im feeling nostalgic. wishing for times that were simpler and happy before his demons took over his life, and mine. grief is a strange thing. sneaks up on you and pulls the rug out when you least expect it, when you think you have a decent handle on it. thanks for listening.