I'm an ex binge drinker myself. Like you, it got out of hand. I never knew what I would end up doing and I ended up doing plenty of things that I am deeply ashamed of.
I'm 2+ months sober now and I still take it a day at a time. Every morning and evening I make another 24hr commitment to myself that I will not drink, I can manage 1 day without it, I don't look any further forward than that.
I also post and read here on SR daily, it helps a lot. If your struggling, reach out here, there is always someone here and we will all help you.