Just chiming in to say me too. My AH is the charmer as well, but the veneer has been slipping a fair bit the last 5 years or so. People who know us both well see through him, and after I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, I'm getting a lot of "what took you so long?" If only I had any idea they felt this way before I filed it would have made it sooo much easier, knowing I had all that support. But I get why people can't take that risk with your friendship when they don't know how you feel first.
All our acquaintances think he is an awesome guy and are trying to figure out what's wrong with me that I would leave him. He is also telling everyone about how I've left him and he's heartbroken and had no idea anything was wrong (yeah, right buddy. Just like with your first wife. Try doing some math).
So when people ask me why, I try to deflect. If they are pushy then F-it, I just tell em. Maybe it's vindictive of me but at this point I don't really care.