Originally Posted by
Meraviglioso 
Alright, I hear you there. So maybe trying to quit on your own is the way you want to do it this time. However, if things are really out of control, or start to get that way, don't you think owning up to it and seeking help on your own- before you are forced to- might be the better option? I know I am just pointing out the obvious here, but eventually this is going to catch up to you and everyone is going to find out anyway. Do you really think that you can go on using meth undercover without anyone ever finding out?
I don't say these things to make you paranoid or to attack, quite the opposite. I'd really like you to see how your addiction has got a hold of you right now and is saying that you can't seek help because others will find out- when the reality is others are going to find out eventually anyway.
If you really can do this alone and quit without anyone ever knowing you were using again then absolutely, go for it. But if things get too difficult or out of control don't let the fact that others will know keep you from saving your life. You deserve to get well and deserve help to get well if you need it.
So many strings you're pulling man. I hear you. In my mind there is a 3 way scale... on the one end there is desperate fear of ending up where I was but not surviving this time around. One the one end there is a legitimate fear of stopping and dealing. Overshadowing all these fears is the ultimate fear of breaking the hearts of my loved ones again if they find out. Like I cannot! I'd rather die than cause any further turmoil for them. Doing this without them is the only option. So far I have been able to cover it up with clouds of exam stress, work stress, and the flu. If I keep on like this my excuses will no longer be logical explanations and massive amounts of poop will hit the fan. I am terrified. Feeling this terrified, feeling this alone, feeling this disappointed in myself does not help me stop, it motivates me to take more so that I don't have to deal. The honest sober way of living feels like a fantasy because its not my reality.