Originally Posted by
Akasha 
Reply to all willing to listen....
I know I am destroying myself again. I know that I put up a front when I smile like everything is okay. I am here so obviously I am not okay.
I can admit I have a problem and I can admit that It is getting worse. I don't think I can stop because stopping means being strong... stopping means dealing with the withdrawal and the pain that accompanies it. I feel so sick when I am not high. Where will I find the courage to successfully fight off all the urges, all the cravings, all the excuses motivating me to quite. I feel so screwed.
Anyway you can go back to rehab? If not..I see you said God saved your life before..Might do you some good to have a long talk with him and get into a solid church as part of your recovery plan. I'm not religious,but am spiritual. I also attend church as part of my sobriety plan,when I need to..That and AA(court ordered,but I still attend own my own.) when I need it.