dellaND.....no, I don't think it is selfish to wish that someone would get better.
It just means that you have compassion.....and, you probably still are harboring the desire for him to get better so that you can fulfill the fantasy that you had for the relationship.
For him to "get better" will take a total life change and years of him working hard and continuously on that.
You don't have the power to help him with that...just like he doesn't have the power to help you......
Ruminating these kinds of questions is common in the grieving process.....(I remember doing the ruminating thing, myself).....
Soldier on and keep reading and learning and building your own happy life....
You are responsible for your own happiness....
You have brains in your head
and, feet in your shoes
and, You can direct them'
any way that you choose.....
by Dr. Seuss