Hrm....
Hey,
Ya know....why do I hang out with Neil? Well, it's kinda rough. Between work and school the only person that doesn't have a job yet and actually wants to visit me is Neil. My actual friends, well...they kinda dissapeared through time, that's why I hang out with Neil, he's actually Dave's friend. He's always home, always willing to hang out and when he's not drinking, it's actually really cool. I realize I need to push him away for awhile, but when the only thing I do is go to work and school...it's nice to have some company every now and again...even if it comprimises my sobriety. Neil has his own problems and ever since I slowed down with my drinking, Neil hasn't really talked to me like he used to. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't do anything about that but...I'd like to still be there for him as a friend. That's why it's so hard, even though it'd be better for me, I tend to be more self sacrificing than I probrably should. I'd like to belive that I can still maintain a sober friendship with Neil in my "safe zone" (my house) and quit drinking. Today Dave and I didn't quite get everything finished with my car claim but we did get the old police report, which is a start. I managed to get that plastic peice away from the tire, all I need is a little duct tape and it'll be good as new! I did get to take out some frusterations with a hammer on it though..hehe, that was fun. Had a quiz in class tonight, my teacher is totally crazy. He teaches us about trade winds and mideastern flows and crap and then gives us a quiz on it like 2 minutes later like we memorized it and know it aleady. It's annoying. And in my other class, we're running subjects for our experiement on Thursday and we don't even have our tape ready yet. We're doing subliminal messages with 9-11 and measuring emotional response using a GSR, it's like a lie detector machine. Pretty cool if we can manage to pull it off, I gotta meet them at 12pm Thurs to start running subjects at 1. I'm in charge of the informed consent. Funfun. This is where my stress comes from. We drove all over Saginaw today looking for any footage on 911 on video, absolutly nothing. And then sure enough, there's a tape in Midland. They tried to get me to skip class and go pick it up but I said no way, enough skipping classes for me. On top of it I found out that when I skipped my one class yesterday my grade would've been raised by 1/3rd if I wouldn't have skipped. That pissed me off. I'm gonna see if I can get it excused. So...sigh, I looked at the clock tonight at 8pm and thought about the AA meeting starting somewhere without me while I learned about trade winds from a japanese instructor. Anyways, I'm in the middle of watching 8 mile right now so, I'm gonna go finish that...gotta return it tomarrow. So, that's why I'm friends with Neil. He's the only person I hang out with besides Dave, ya gotta have someone right? I mean, there's Laura but she goes to the bar like 4 nights a week and still proclaimes that I don't have a problem. And anyways, I don't really like her, remember? So...That's that....I'm on day 5...I'm doing ok, even if I'm a little depressed. Things could be a hell of alot worse. We're supposed to be going to see this band I used to see all the time when I drank alot. I haven't seen them in ages. I don't know if I'll actually end up going but...we'll see. Only if I can trust myself to not drink. Anyway, I'm gonna go....I'm not ignoring everyone, I have put Neil at a great distance, but...he's too good of a friend to be that selfish and push him totally away. As long as he's not drinking around me, I'm ok with that. I'm pretty down lately, dealing with the whole car thing....I'm trying to not be and just get into school and not let that stress me out too much. We'll see.....I'm gone all day tomarrow at school and work so...I'll write tomarrow night. I'll no doubt be depressed till then, but at least I'm not drinking....
Stacey