I'm pretty sure all of us felt this way, to one degree or another. The amazing thing about the prison we put ourselves into, is that we have the key...it's called surrender. We have to admit that we can no longer control our drinking and figure a way out. We have to be willing to do what it takes to change and that can be a very difficult thing to do...it's called addiction for a reason. Some never make it out alive. I hope you decide to seek help before it's too late.