Welcome to SR!
It's admirable that you've come to realize you're playing with fire. Alcohol is a drug; a highly addictive substance just as dangerous as "harder" drugs such as heroin. Would you be concerned if you replaced cider in your post with heroin? Think about it - you're chasing this high and relaxation feeling from a neurotoxin. Alcohol poisons your mind and your body, and is likely the reason that your anxiety has increased, relegating you to isolate yourself at home with it as your warm blanket. Like other addictive substances, there's no going back to being satisfied with 1 or 2 once you begin abusing it to get that euphoria. Your brain craves the release of dopamine it provides, and stops producing it on its own in order to compensate. This leads to your brain building a tolerance and needing more and more to achieve the level of dopamine production that gets you back to "normal."
We all play with this idea of moderation because we're scared to let go of that warm blanket. But it's not a comfort. It's a devil in the disguise of a socially acceptable way to numb.
Can you try replacing the 1 or 2 ciders you want with a cup of hot tea? Or a non-alcoholic cider? If this thought seems inconceivable or evokes panic, then maybe you should take a closer look at your relationship with alcohol and decide for yourself if this is a road you want to continue down.