Originally Posted by
Gilmer 
How do you forgive yourself when you’ve done something really wrong and there will never be any opportunity for amends?
I agree with what everyone said so far. When I am carrying guilt for something I've done I try to break it down: what did I do? Why did I do it? Was it because my security felt threatened? What specifically felt threatened?
Then I tell someone what I did and what part of me felt threatened. I try to talk to someone outside of the situation, like my sponsor, or Carlos, or another friend. I might write about it here to get this group's perspective. The key for me is to get honest feedback. Putting it to light never fails to relieve my discomfort.
Nine times out of ten, I was simply upholding my boundaries -- and what I experience as guilt is actually just feeling a bit jangled after upholding a boundary. (That's still new for me).
I suspect that might be the same for you. Felling guilty for doing the *right* thing is a challenge many women face.
I recommend doing the analysis and then asking a trusted sober friend or friends feedback. You can always conduct this over PM if you don't have a guru IRL and the details can't be shared on a public internet page. I know you have a lot of connections and any of us would be honored to support you, my dear.
Sitting in the car with my youngest at an ice rink while his brother's team prepares for the first hockey game of the day. It's drizzling and I am drinking coffee while we are listening to a great 90s song on the radio. Pretty soon we'll go in and hang out with everyone but it's cool we got to sneak in a cozy moment on a long day on the road!
This is a rink where 5 years ago a super prissy hockey mom on my older sons team ripped me a new one. I felt so guilty and trashy for getting yelled at, that I ran to the car and cried. I felt like I must have done something to incite it from such a nice person.
Our paths have crossed from time to time since that season. I've always just ignored her, but felt ashamed like it was my fault. Haha, today I understand that whether I did (or didn't) say something to incite her anger, no one deserves to be publicly humiliated.
