Someday Sinderos, I'll bet you look back at your drinking and alcoholism and you'll be super grateful for every single bit of it.
I'm not always as spiritual and "connected" as I'd like to be but when I'm on my A-game, I realize it's because I've been putting in the work necessary to get there. And I was willing to put in that work BECAUSE admitting I'm an alcoholic who's lost the ability to choose to drink or not and has HAD to seek a spiritual solution it exactly what got me geared up to do the work in the first place.