My mother drank wine in front of me after she knows I'm struggling
First of all let me say I have done Step 1 and 2 with a sponsor.
I find myself angry towards people who can drink. I know I need to only worry about myself because I can't control other people. One incident occurred last weekend with my mother. We went out to lunch and talked about AA and alcoholism for a good portion of it. Some of it may have been uncomfortable for her to hear. We had a nice lunch and she ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. She does this thing when she goes out to lunch with me and makes a big thing with the waiter like "I want a NON-alcoholic drink today" (obviously she may have that mental obsession, it's just like...just order a cranberry juice and don't make an odd scene) So then after lunch we get home, and I decide to take a nap. I wake up about 2 hours later and it's 3:30 and she's drinking wine in the living room all happy and loving life. I mean, it's like she FORGOT or didn't CARE what we spoke about earlier! She just starts drinking in FRONT OF ME. My sponsor was saying that maybe our discussion caused her some subconscious pain and she just needed the relief. Probably a whole slew of things, realizing or feeling guilty that I have a drinking problem and that it's somehow her fault (i mean it's not....it runs in our family)
So I guess I should stop pondering if she's an alcoholic or not, because maybe it doesn't matter. If she is, there is nothing I can do. But I just get annoyed because she acts kind of superior like she is able to drink. (her drinking may not be alcoholic binging but she can finish a whole bottle and has said that she drinks because she has "a lot of stress in her life") Yes, she's NEVER missed a day of work and doesn't get hangovers. But she gained a lot of weight and is tired all the time, and I told her wine is empty calories but she insists that wouldn't cause her weight gain.
I guess I just felt it was like a slap in the face when she drank right there in front of me. She could wait until I leave. I did tell her it didn't bother me, but it would be nice of her to just wait an hour until I left. I just found it rude. As my sponsor said, maybe she couldn't control her urge even though she cares about me.