Nervous relief
Hi all! It's been a while, and it's been a very busy summer with moving into a decent apartment and getting settled in, going for physical therapy and learning to be happy again.
The last I recall, I had made my AP (alcoholic partner) move out. It's been a fight to keep him out, sometimes I'd relent for a week or two only to find the same ole same ole pattern repeating. But each time he left, I felt so relieved and glad he was gone. So much so that my intolerance bubble grew! That's a good thing lol! It takes less and less BS for me to put my foot down and get on with the business of enjoying my life of peace and freedom.
He on the other hand, struggled. He can't hold a job, can't get a place of his own of course...no income...and he'd burned so many bridges, nobody wanted to do any more for him.
About three days ago he came over and asked me to take him to rehab. Apparently a new hire at his favorite job knew exactly where he needed to go, so AP made the phone call on his own, made the arrangements on his own and I brought him to the facility. It's a detox facility where they'll hold him for 5 days as they assess him and his needs, and then find the right facility for rehab. He will be in rehab for up to 90 days.
He called me tonight to tell me that before he leaves detox, he will be fixed up with a sponsor with AA. He was getting ready to watch some of the sobriety movies they play in the evenings. I had an opportunity to speak briefly with the intake counselor the day I brought him in, and that was helpful.
I'd reached a point where it no longer mattered whether he was drunk or sober, *I* needed to spend my time and energy taking care of ME. But now that he is in detox, I feel such a relief that his load is not on my shoulders. He is getting what he needs and the right people to help see him through.
About a month or so ago, he tried to detox himself at my home and he had a very rough time. No hallucinations, but he shook like a leaf and obviously needed help that I couldn't give. Yet, he still refused to go to AA etc. One of his friends told him that he needed to drink a beer every other day...well by then it was 10 days after drying out, and the faulty advice (which I objected to) simply led him right back down that slippery slope and back into boiler makers. So, I asked him to leave...again.
My biggest concern and worry is being gaslighted. I have no energy to through another round of broken promises and all the BS that goes with Alcoholism. I don't even want to get my hopes up. I'm just so relieved that he's made a decision, he's off the streets and in a safe place, and that he's not banging at my door 3 times a day looking pitiful/horrible and my having to slam the door in his face.
He told me tonight..I have to do this because if I don't, I'm going to die. Will you go to AA with me when I get out? I said I would.
I know he means what he's saying...today. Tomorrow could be another story entirely. He seems kind of broken, but willing to submit to whatever they ask of him while there, and seems to be looking forward to going on to the next facility. Gosh, I sure hope he means it, for real and that he succeeds.
And yet, I'm afraid to hope.
I am sure of one thing though. I sure like this peaceful time and I don't want it disrupted with any more addict BS. I'm sick to death of all that goes with it. Recovery work I can do..AA meetings, Alanon etc but I can't handle him falling off the wagon and ruining MY life. I've had enough, I know he knows that but you know how that holds up in the face of bowing to the addiction beast.
Thoughts?