Glad you posted.
For me, it was frightening to image a life without alcohol because I had no clue what it would be like. I finally got to the point that I knew whatever that life would be was preferable to a certain death by drinking.
The thing about hope, as I have discovered, is that it begins to come in - and eventually stay- as our brain clears of alcohol and we learn to live in recovery. That's what AA has given me; there are other ways - but an active program is necessary to teach us how to live differently. For me, on top of AA that program includes an rx regimen (including for anxiety and mild depression), a spiritual life, routine exercise, time with my sponsor and sober friends and my non AA friends....and I have a full, hopeful life.
Many of us have found we just had to take the leap and know that what you are now calling "bad" (ie a life drinking) would beat "worst."
You can do it. Hope to see you around here.