Originally Posted by
Clover71 
Probably a bit of everything, and perhaps feeling a bit desperate - all the things "we" all ask ourselves - the what if I had done this or that, etc. I don't really talk to them unless I have to do so. They know there is a problem in the marriage but are unaware of what that problem is. His mother has asked my family members. I will be in town this weekend, and I will have to see them which is why this came up now.
I really believe there is at minimum depression if not mental illness going on. His father is mentally ill. I thought perhaps there was "hope" a few months ago, but that has faded.
I apologize. My head is really all over the place right now.
No need to apologise Clover.
Often when I come on here I feel the same - then as I type I start kind of sifting through all that stuff in a different way to when I internalise it.
I think most people suffering from active alcoholism are depressed - alcohol is a depressant after all. Then comes the whole cause & effect confusion (eg I believed that I drank because my life was rubbish and I was a horrible person - actually my life was rubbish and I was a horrible person because I was drinking alcoholically and thereby refusing to take responsibility for myself). I always think of it as being stuck in a vortex or insane thinking and rationalising. It was hard to realise that I NEEDED to get out of it, and then hard to do it and rebuild my lfe and get to know who I was sober - there was no way I'd have managed it unless I was desperate to do so.
Also, you know, this information has no sell-by date on it. Just because you'll be seeing them, doesn't mean you've got to make your decision for that date. I'd suggest just deciding in your own time. If you want to test the water you could mention that you've been worried that he's drinking too much. You don't need to throw in the 'A' word.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
I hope you can build a network of support for yourself. It makes such a difference.
BB