My partner came home from her meeting last night with some (hopefully) good news for me: there's a good ACOA meeting right around the corner from our house on Monday evenings! She got this from a friend at her meeting who has gone & vouches for the health of this particular meeting, so I'm planning to go next Monday.
As the fire under my, erm, seat, has been growing bigger & hotter, I've been wavering back & forth wildly about this whole issue of Al-Anon/ACOA meetings. One minute I'm desperately wanting it & the next I'm thinking it would be just another way to allow alcohol to sink its claws into me even deeper.
I said to her a couple of nights ago that while I was willing to go & be open & I intellectually understood that healing is to be found there, I couldn't help comparing it to what a person with gangrene would face. There's gangrene in a foot, so the leg has to be sacrificed to save the entire body. This person is probably dreading the surgery & the pain & knows she will lose a significant part of herself. But her alternative is death. So she has the surgery but no one in their right mind expects her to be happy about it.
That's where I am with meetings. Fearing my only hope of salvation. Not the best of places to be in, but I've been in worse.
Why do I always feel like I'm babbling when I post here?