Sad to say but it's my family who brings my Beast back out. They're all crazy! Haha. Especially my mom, who is ground zero for my past drug and alcohol use, she just loves to tell stories about how bad we all were. Her saying that she says all the time is, drugs are bad but they sure are fun! To be sober in my family is to be the odd one out. A mother is such an influential relationship so to have one who constantly encouraged partying and drug use is a bit of head trip. Thankfully I only have to do these family get togethers a few times a year. My friends are more supportive or if they are not I can disengage and set boundaries in a different way than I can with my family. Family dynamics and roles can be really hard to break out of, that sh*t gets ingrained into you, it's so easy to fall back into. Back when I could get triggered, I'm kind of immune to it now, there's a barrier with AVRT that I didn't have before, but back when I didn't have that my mother was a HUGE trigger. My mom was a brain cue to get ready cuz the party was on! It's twisted but that was part of our bond. Sigh.