Wow this is really hard.
I told AH I wanted a divorce a week ago. I've been staying with my parents who live nearby, it was easier for me to leave the house than him (and yes it's fine legally, where I live that won't make any difference). I posted last week about how clear I felt about, sad but this is clearly what needs to happen.
None of that has changed. And I knew that even though I've grieved the loss of what I used to have, and what I thought I had, for years, I knew there was more to come. The acute pain that hit me tonight though, wow. This is awful. I still have no doubts and yes, I did expect it to hurt but when it hits, it's still jawdropping. I've been going through it the last few days and I expect it will come and go like this for a while.
I know that my situation is not extreme (and sure, all of us have legitimate problems and everyones are hard). But I just wanted to say, those of yours who manage to do what you need to do to take care of yourself AND children, with not only emotional but also sometimes even physical abuse, and without the kind of family support and nearby resources I am so blessed to have - well, you all are superheroes.
This site, and all of you, are a treasure beyond compare.