Originally Posted by
SimplyFree 
I'm married, here for the kids. My wife isn't a bad person. I have been able to come to acceptance that romantic connections are not for me in this life. I'm less angry, yes sad quite a bit, but I will do good things for my kids. I live by....alone is only lonely if you expect someone to be there......
I have adjusted my expectations and activities to help me maintain sobriety and stability.
I just can't get myself to swallow this yet, in my own life. This is the first night I've stayed up late alone, and I am very sober. Walked my dogs in the beautiful autumn breeze, looking at the moon and stars, saving cold frogs from the perils of the road. All by myself, with my dogs, on a gorgeous Saturday night in October. I want so much to be happy with this new start, free of alcohol. The years lost haunt me. My littlest, I feel like I hardly know her sometimes. The most painful thing is having my marriage be exactly what it was when I was drinking, and before I was drinking. It is the same. There is no special reconnection, no rekindling, no growing closer through the trial. It is just exactly the same. So so so hard to live with peacefully. I know this isn't a marriage issues forum. I have to find a way to focus on other things.