Dear Guy
I have a mental picture for you that might seem harsh.
Imagine someone drowning in a lake filled with beer. They are flailing their arms and screaming for help. They are surrounded by boats, buoys, and other flotation devices.
They ignore the help that is already there, and they are screaming for YOU to save them. If you do not jump in and drown with them, they will go under, and it will be all your fault.
Recovery is not done in tandem with someone else, even if it is your wife. YOU must decide to embrace your own recovery and protect your children.