Originally Posted by juliaclare20

Hi! I'm new to this forum, and new to attempted sobriety. I'm 35 and have been a heavy drinker for 12-15 years. I usually drink 1-2 bottles of wine, or 6-8 beers a night. Of course, there's the one or two days a week that I really get it done. I've known I'm dependent for a long time. I'm afraid to let myself down, so I haven't committed. I thought it might help me to put out there the reasons why I think drinking has hurt me...

- I have so many interests that have gone by the wayside. If I'm not working, I'm drinking. There's no time to dedicate to things I was once interested in. I've become a piece of ****.

- I've gained weight, and lost motivation to exercise. I used to be health conscious and a lot better looking. I was a college athlete, and then an avid hiker and skier in my 20s. At first I would hike and then drink, then I started packing a couple beers for the summit to drink, and now I just pass on the hike altogether and drink instead. I find that I say "I used to be" a lot.

- I have a good job. I don't know who thought I deserved it, but here I am with a good job. I work out of town in the summers and drive a government rig 4.5 miles north. I drink en route- put wine in a metal water bottle. I have a remote office, so I'm alone. I've started drinking mid-day while I'm working. When I'm at home in the city, I've called in due to hangovers. As I type this, I'm cringing.

- I still have hopes and dreams, but they're shrouded in doubt. I bought vacant land near a small town I've always wanted to live in this summer. 10 years ago I would've been ecstatic. I would've quit my job and gone in 100%. I worry now that I don't have the motivation to build the dream I've had for 10+ years when it's right there waiting to be actualized.

I decided to try the sober October thing. I started Monday. This is day 5 sober. Other than not being able to sleep, and feeling distracted enough to be unproductive at work, I feel okay. I've been meditating a lot. It's Friday, and I'm about to hit the road back home- my 4.5 hour drive. No booze this time. I'm worried about the weekend. I'm glad I found this forum.