Yep, you sound just like me. Binge drinking with sober days inbetween. Acting like a tit when you cross that line into blackout then looking around in the morning to figure out what you did and who to apologise to. I did that for 20 years and could never moderate, get control and put drink in its place. I was either all or nothing so decided nothing was far better than the anxiety and humiliation of drinking. I dont think anyone on this forum successfully moderated. All I can tell you about my own experience is the relief of knowing I wont drink so I can let go of all those worries. Stick around here, you find out what you need to know. Good to meet you 😃