Im a 40 year old guy, married with 3 little kids. Everything in my life is great expect the white elephant in the room, just this year alone I have had probably 5-10 instances of waking up from a bender and having no idea what happened, having to try and piece the night together, and then make up for stupid things I did or said.
My history has always been to drink until I get ********* and passed out, usually in between that stage, at the tail end of the night or day, I'm this embarrassing idiot who literally can't walk. It only happens when I mix beer and hard drinks, or start with hard drinks. Typically I am good, I am good, I am good - then wham I am like a pin ball machine bouncing all over the place and speaking gibberish - that would be about the three hour mark. Then it’s blackout city and incoherence .
I am so tired of the "next day" , what did I do now, never anything violent or anything illegal, but just dumb stuff; **** in the laundry, couldn't stand up at a kenny chesney concert, fell asleep during a patriots game, passed out on my neighbors front lawn, was biligerent at a popular golf club in front of a bunch of people, that is just this year and doesn't include nights when I "considered" myself good.
I am ready to empower myself but I need help. Moderation would be key - my wife says, "just stick to beer" , my brain says "I've tried that and I know what will happen", so I am thinking about moderation which I think I'm going to hate.
I am friends with older guys who don't drink - its simple and its not an issue, I want to be one of those guys but I'm afraid. My drinking style is usually nothing on a mon, tuesday, sometimes wednesday, then a few on friday or saturday, but usually one of those nights I'll get hammered. Or I'll binge drink (during golf or cookouts that run into the night) like I'm on vacation and literally drink all day until I'm blacked out (like this past Saturday where I blacked out at the golf course. ) I can go to dinner and have just three or four beers or one or two drinks but my norm is drinking with a group of people . Our kids all get along and the adults do too, except we get smashed. I have no problem with this except I wish I could just have five beers and leave it at that , not ten with a vodka tonic or two. Can moderation work ?
I'm trying to muster up the courage to abstain but I'm already thinking about this weekend having to get dinner with friends (maybe I'll just have some beers) and then I am going to Nashville for the sole purpose of partying.
I've had enough
Been drinking this way since 15 and haven't been able to cull it so I don't know why I think I can now. I'm hoping after Nashville to get serious or to learn how to just stick to beer. Any help would be great!! Thanks in advance - mark