Need Advice
Hi, I am new to these forums.
My beautiful AH of 8 years has recently taken to drugs and alcohol. It all started 16 months ago when he moved away to a new, dream job; this job required him to move to another town in another province and to live on the road in the summer. He is secluded from all his friends and his family (including me). Our visits started as monthly, and now they are every three/four months.
First it was drugs, then about 4 months ago he quit that (mostly), and now he is compensating with alcohol. He is a regular nightly drinker of wine or beer; if it is beer, it can be 15+ cans per night. I don't know how much wine he drinks. He occasionally still uses drugs.
He is constantly lying to me. Last night, I swore I could hear in his voice that he was drunk (over the phone). He kept telling me that he was 3 days clean, but then one thing he said gave it all away! He couldn't remember what he did a few minutes prior, and I knew right at that moment he was drinking! He finally admitted it. I said I had to go and I went to bed.
Today, I woke to video messages from him, and I knew he was still drinking/drunk. He didn't go to work, and he claimed to have lost his work phone.
So many things have revealed themselves over the past few weeks. I found out that all the email money transfers I sent to his cousins (with his money) were in fact actually for him, and was just another way to hide the money being used from me. I found out he has driven his work truck so drunk that he fell to the floor in the local minimart; right after he hopped back in his marked work truck and drove away. He bought himself a new expensive truck, and he is driving that drunk, filling up the gas with his work visa card. So far he has used $100 (stolen)!
This man who was the nicest person has gone off the deep end!!! Because I am back in university, and my finances are minimal, I have begged him to turn to his parents for help. To: #1) get his life straight (attend rehab), and #2) refocus and get a new job, or go back to school to finish a different higher level degree. I have begged him to see a psychiatrist for an ADHD diagnosis. I have paid for him to see a counsellor once, but he refused to go to any more session. All these things he refuses to do!
Meanwhile, I am in school, learning of his theft of gas, his morning drunkenness, his lies, etc. I can't focus, I can't listen to the prof, I'm handing things in late, and I even go to the bathroom to cry sometimes. I'm losing it right along side him.
I swore last night's lie was the last, but then he kept begging me to talk to him and I gave in. I don't know how to say no. I don't know what to do.
I am suffering alone. I don't have him to turn to , and I would never tell my new friends in this new university what I am going through. My family cannot know. I am virtually alone in all this, and I am really hurting (for him and for how this all makes me feel).
Help! Please.