I am not proud of my country and I haven't been for a very long time.
Can someone intervene here? Seriously can an outside entity please come over here and just put us in a time out and just tell us to stop everything please for a while until we get our wits about us? I feel more and more like an outsider every month.
I am very grateful for my professional cooking background. However, in the two years since I've stopped cooking for pay, I've relaxed a lot and found great ways to feed myself and my loved ones well for cheap. It is a challenge and a great gift I can give to myself and to them.
Lately I have been thinking about the next phase of my life a lot. I don't feel ready just yet and we are trying to take baby steps, but R and I talk a lot about the future. First of all, moving in together. In about 9 months. By then our relationship will be just over two years old and we have decided that's a good time to try and see if we can coexist. R wants children and a marriage and family and all that. I know we are not ready for all that. We are still growing up ourselves and have major work to do. Plus we are dirt poor. Plus I am more keen on adopting and that won't happen until we are stable enough and pass all the tests etc. I would love to give a child a home. I was taken into many homes growing up and R and I are both from somewhat broken families, and his stepfather who raised him was adopted. We have so many genetic issues I really would hate to pass those on to a child. And I'd be very very pleased to adopt a 4-6 year old who needed a family and skip the cute baby years all together. Absolutely. It's scary and exciting to think about though. I could see myself as a parent in my forties. I just am having trouble feeling willing to go through a pregnancy and the terrible healthcare and the costs of having and rearing a baby. I can provide a loving and understanding and nourishing home to someone else's biological child though.
Ok enough musing about hypothetical stuff. I guess I gotta get back to work on this painting.