PerplexednLost

I'm going to get that beer out of there today as I managed to stick to tea n football before falling asleep. Unfortunately, I've been doing this too long...even if the smell makes me sick I have really trained my brain to allow me to do things that I know are wrong. And another unfortunate part of making it through day 2 (and will be tonight on day 3) is having to clean the taps and the bar at work at closing time. Saturday I was so sick that when I saw there was still some beer in the fridge in the house and I gave that to a friend. But the beer in the garage will be disposed of so that if I can make it past the bar tonight then there won't be anything at home waiting for me. Except for some cases of wine - but while I drink wine, that doesn't seem to call my name like those tempting little 12 oz bottles of beer.

I'm glad I didn't drink last night, but I still feel a lot of shame after what a fool I've been to have been tempted last night. That's why it was kind of nice to post last night - no one I know can really get their head around that...unless you say it in a language they can all understand "hair of the dog". Which if I could warn anybody, that very phrase means help me I'm at risk of becoming an alcoholic. My gosh how many times I've used that phrase.

I've sobered up for nearly 60 days before, felt better, been productive, and mended relationships....and then I implode all over again. I'm really afraid of what will happen to me as some of the acute shame wears off. But I can tell you for sure that just like you Chloe, I have no power over the booze. If I allow myself so much as a sample, it wins and it comes for me sooner or later and I have less than zero control.

Still glad I didn't drink last night, but I don't really feel all that good yet which may be because as much of a bender I was on I deserve a hangover that lasts like this. Sorry for such a long post