Rehab - week 1.5
So this morning I am gathering all the stuff Mrs Sectus needs during her inpatient treatment. Sweets. Clothes I washed for her. Cigarettes. Some art that our youngest made for her. It is visiting day today, so later I will be driving over with one of our older daughters and the youngest sprog.
And then it sort of hits me - why did I let it get to this? How on earth did I allow someone to do this to me?
Not in a sort of self-pitying or panicky way. Not in a depressed way. I am not beating myself up. I just feel genuinely curious and bit concerned, as if I am asking a friend: why did I accept this? How did I allow myself to condone someone treating me in this ****** way? Because I did condone it. I spent more time trying to understand her and making excuses for her than I ever did trying to understand my own reactions.
I think I am going to need to carve out some space for myself. Set some new boundaries. Claim things for my own. Figure out what I need, and what I find important, and how I want things done. Because I get the feeling I have stopped being almost everything except an alcoholics husband, and a father to some children with hangups. Bloody hell that sounds codependent.