Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz

No. If he ever gets in touch with you, don't ask what happened. Don't talk to him. This behavior is familiar to me. There will be a push and pull. A series of "mistakes" they make and then a lot of excuses and they will bombard you with affection -- either because they feel guilty for being an addict or they are in denial about being an addict and are also desperately addicted to the idea of other people thinking they are "normal". Anyway, all their behaviors are compulsive. Their relationship to drugs is like a type of OCD. They are obsessed with getting that dopamine high, because without drugs, they feel very depressed... and then you have to live with their untreated depressive behaviors (because since addiction is a symptom of denial, you won't see them participate in therapy honestly -- my addict lied to his therapist).

You will experience cognitive dissonance from the "craziness" exhibited by the active addict. So in order to make sense of it, your brain will try to apply reason to it, when reason doesn't apply. This cognitive dissonance can get you trapped in the relationship because you waste precious brain space and hours or weeks or years of your precious life thinking about the addict -- your brain tries to justify the crazy-making behavior: why did A do this? Oh it must be because blah blah and he's feeling blah blah. Soon you're dealing with the addict's crises and then the few moments of normality that come after and the cycle of punishment and intermittent reward create its own messed up dopamine cycle in your brain that you get addicted to. Please, for my sake, and yours, never contact this guy again. If I could travel back in time to when I first met my addict, I would have paid a zillion bucks to hear someone tell me NEVER to contact my addict again -- not after the first weird incident and definitely not after the second weirdness.

People in active addiction zero in on over-thinkers, under-thinkers, the naive, the elderly, the kind and helpful, because you have something they want. Maybe they do like you (or even love you), but they love drugs or drink more and whatever they have for you is not complete enough to be true like or love -- the addiction is number one, the addict is number two, their spouse is number three (if the spouse is lucky). What you have that they want is the ability to enable their addiction. By over-thinking, you are proving to him that you have the ability to manage his life, for which he will eventually resent you, and you will eventually be blamed for his addiction because you are "controlling". You end up becoming a co-dependent, even if you had never been co-dependent in any other relationship before. You have the ability in you to manage life -- they want this because they can't manage their own lives. This is bad for them and you. They are not looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, they are looking for someone to assist their slow-motion suicide.

Those promises of cool adventures were him just making noise about imagined fantasy lives he can never have with anyone (unless you pay dearly for it in more ways than one). You wouldn't want to go sky-diving with someone who would rather have his face in a bong as he is free-falling through beautiful scenery, would you?