I can totally relate. My closest family are the people I know through recovery. They are my tribe and my 'go to' people. So glad you are finding peace and serenity even if it means going No Contact. Sometimes that's just the bigger part of the path laid before all of us; a lesson for them and a lesson for us. We can still choose to love them, but we need to put ourselves first.
Thank you for sharing this. This was exactly my issue with my XAH. The depth of our destruction towards each other was maddening and I didn't even realize how much I played into it until I stepped away through recovery.